By Angi Bair

It’s all about the money… or is it?

There was a time when money just flowed to me. I didn’t think about it. I went to work, I got paid, and I got the things I needed and wanted. I never budgeted. I didn’t track what was coming in or going out. I just lived — and it worked.

Until it didn’t.

Until the money stopped flowing. Until not paying attention caught up with me. Until I started worrying about not having enough — and then, sure enough, I didn’t have enough. Suddenly, I was knee-deep in debt, unhappiness, and overwhelming stress. At first, I blamed it on the national economic downturn. But was that really why I was struggling?

Eventually, I picked myself up and started over. Once again, I didn’t overthink things — I just worked. The money flowed. Ideas came. I prospered… until I didn’t. Once again, I found myself back in the hole, climbing and slipping, over and over.

I started searching for answers. I realized I had never set financial goals. I had never created a budget. I just worked and things seemed to work out — until they didn’t. So I thought: maybe I need to get intentional. Maybe I need to write down a specific money goal.

So for nearly a year, I wrote the same affirmation every day:
“I want to make $xxx,xxx this year.”

At the end of the year, I had almost exactly the amount I’d written. It worked. The daily affirmation worked. But… it didn’t fix anything. Money wasn’t flowing like before. I wasn’t feeling better. I was still in a mess — maybe not as deep, but still stuck.

So, I tried again. Another year, another specific money goal. It felt weird and uncomfortable, but I pushed forward. Same affirmation, every day. But this time, I didn’t even come close. I made less than the year before — and I realized why: all I had focused on was the number. Not the why. Not the passion. Not the belief.

So I dove deeper. I studied more. Learned more. Then I thought — okay, maybe I need to plan how I’d use the money. So I mapped everything out: what bills it would pay, what things it would buy. It was structured. It made sense on paper. But still, nothing changed. And deep down, I was still testing the process… not fully trusting it.

Then came the biggest realization:

I don’t actually want money.

I want what money represents. I want a trip with my family. A safe and beautiful home. Good food. A reliable car. I don’t want stacks of paper — I want experiences, security, and joy. Money is just the tool. That was my AHA moment.

I’d love to say I’ve got it all figured out now… but I’m still in the messy middle. I’ve picked up so many clues. I’ve had powerful wins and frustrating setbacks. And still — I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a breakthrough.

So what is financial freedom? What does it look like? What does it feel like? What do I actually want to do with my time and energy? What if I don’t want to “work” in the traditional sense? Can money still come? Is it about work — or is it about service?

I’m learning to ask better questions. I’m learning to see the lesson in every dip and turn. I’m learning to feel passion again. I’m learning not to give up on my dreams — because I know I’m standing in the gold mine, just inches from the breakthrough.

So I’ll keep going. I’ll keep digging. And I’ll keep trusting that the treasure I’ve been searching for is right on the other side of this wall.

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