I’ve spoken to a few audiences in my lifetime, and I still remember that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach before stepping in front of a room full of strangers. I’d worry about what they’d think of me and whether what I had to say would land. Sometimes, the anxiety would set in days—or even weeks—before the event.

Thankfully, I hardly ever feel that way anymore.

No one likes to feel anxious or on edge about being around people or giving a presentation. It’s uncomfortable, and in some cases, downright paralyzing. But for me, I eventually discovered a couple reasons why things got easier.

First, there’s the old “you just get used to it” principle. Do something often enough, and eventually, the anxiety fades. Even the embarrassing moments lose their sting over time.

(Like that one time I tried to be clever at a convention in front of 500 guests by showing off my Tari Piring skills—you know, the plate-on-the-arm Indonesian dance? Only, you’re not supposed to do that with food still on the plate. Yep. My pie flew off right in front of the directors’ table. That’s all I’m going to say about that. But I will say: even that memory has softened with time.)

Second, beyond practice and time, there is something else that can be done to immediately get past that self-conscious oh-my-heck-what-are-people-thinking-about-me-right-now feeling, and it has to do with the way YOU think. It's a pretty cool trick for feeling more comfortable in social settings, and here's how it works:

We all give off a kind of energy—what some people call a vibration. The thoughts and feelings we bring into a room set the tone. If you walk in feeling calm and cheerful, others tend to feel that too. People like being around someone who helps them feel at ease.

But what if you don’t feel at ease?

Here’s the trick: stop worrying about whether people like you.

That might sound counterintuitive, but when you're consumed with wondering how you're being perceived, it creates awkwardness—an anxious, “negative” vibration that others pick up on. Ironically, it can cause the very disconnection you’re trying to avoid.

Instead, flip the focus. Just decide to like them first.

That’s right—you go first. Choose to like the people in front of you. Look for something to admire in them. Appreciate something about their energy, their eyes, their kindness, their courage to even show up. As soon as you like them, your energy changes. You emit warmth. And most people? They mirror it right back.

Being magnetic doesn’t come from being the most talented or cool person in the room. It comes from appreciating the people around you. That’s the kind of presence people are drawn to.

Keep this principle alive and you’ll always have an abundance of friends. And remember—what people think of you? It’s really none of your business. Most are too preoccupied worrying about what you think of them to be focused on you anyway.

All those nerves melt away when your attention shifts outward. When you look for the good in others, you stop worrying about yourself.

I once heard someone say: “Worry about how you look while you're getting ready. But the moment you walk out the door? It’s not about you anymore.” That has stuck with me.

Love your neighbor (Matthew 22:37–39) is timeless wisdom that applies here beautifully. When you plant those seeds of genuine interest and kindness, the harvest is often connection, comfort, and rich, meaningful relationships (Galatians 6:7–8).

So the next time you feel nervous around strangers—or even friends—try flipping the script. Choose to like them first, and let the rest take care of itself.

_________________

•   To discover how to start choosing more effectively now, read The Jackrabbit Factor (FREE!)  
•   If you want more step-by-step guidance on creating the life you really want, join me in the Mindset Mastery program.
•   If you want my help overcoming that giant obstacle right in front of you, learn more and sign up for Genius Bootcamp.