By Kathryn Barney

“His goal attracts him, because he doesn’t let anything enter his soul which might oppose the goal. . .He has that mysterious quality of those people to whom success comes all by itself” (from Siddhartha by Hermann Hessee).

When my first marriage ended, I was completely heartbroken and lost. I hadn’t yet learned the principles I know now, and I struggled to navigate the tidal wave of emotions that came with becoming a single mom to four small children.

It was a deeply turbulent time.

Though it’s not what a therapist might recommend, I felt desperate to find someone new. I didn’t give myself the time or space I truly needed to heal. Those years of single motherhood were full of heartache. Maybe things wouldn’t have been different if I’d waited longer to start dating. Maybe dating too soon added to the pain. I can’t say for certain. All I know is that, even in the midst of the chaos, I still held tightly to the dream of the husband I’d always longed for.

For as long as I can remember, I had pictured the perfect husband—perfect for me. I had wanted so badly for it to be my first husband. I spent years visualizing a relationship filled with love, kindness, and support while I was still married. But that dream wasn’t meant to be fulfilled in that chapter.

After my divorce, those visualizations didn’t stop. In fact, they became even more focused and intense. I’ll be honest—I visualized it from a place of desperation more than peace. But the desire was unshakable. As the quote says, I did not “let anything enter (my) soul which might oppose the goal.” I wouldn’t allow myself to imagine a life where I remained single forever.

It felt like forever, but only 2½ years after my divorce, I married Kent—the very person I had envisioned for so many years. During that time of visualizing, I often prayed that he—whoever and wherever he was—would be prepared for me, and that I would be prepared for him. I wasn’t fully healed when I met him, or when we dated, or even when we got married. But our relationship has been the perfect environment for that healing to take place.

Here’s a fun twist to the story: Kent and I actually grew up next door to each other. He’s several years older than I am—which feels irrelevant now, but certainly mattered when we were kids. I knew his family well. Our parents were (and still are) good friends. In fact, when we started dating—and for several years into our marriage—our parents were still next-door neighbors.

He had always been there. In a way, our relationship was quietly forming long before either of us recognized it. During those years, he had also been visualizing the kind of marriage he wanted. We were both walking our own difficult paths, each holding onto a vision of a relationship that felt just out of reach—but it was coming into form all along.

And now, here we are.

It couldn’t be any more right.

_________________

•   To discover how to start choosing more effectively now, read The Jackrabbit Factor (FREE!)  
•   If you want more step-by-step guidance on creating the life you really want, join me in the Mindset Mastery program.
•   If you want my help overcoming that giant obstacle right in front of you, learn more and sign up for Genius Bootcamp.