Parenting Transformation Journey – Page 15

Sunday was nearly over when I remembered: we’re supposed to use part of our Sabbath to reflect on how we’re doing and pre-teach for the week ahead. Ideally, I’d like to follow Nicholeen’s full process—where parents meet first to talk through family concerns before the actual family meeting. We already do this, informally, whenever we can find the time. But I’m beginning to see how powerful it would be to make it more formal and consistent. That’s how we build the kind of strong family government we’re aiming for.

(Remember—this whole “structurizing” effort is really about helping our kids better track cause and effect in their own behavior. That’s such a key piece of learning to self-govern. In the past, I’ve handed out consequences on the fly—honestly, sometimes just based on what was convenient for me in the moment, not what was truly fair or right.)

Well, this week we forgot to hold a couple’s meeting. We also didn’t schedule a family meeting like we did last week to kick things off. But as we were gathering for family prayer that evening, I suddenly remembered. So, before the prayer, I said, “Hey guys, I wanted to share something with you before we wrap up. I’ve been thinking about the difference between teenagers and youth this week, and I’d love to tell you what I’ve learned.”

I took just a few minutes to share what I’d learned from Nicholeen’s class and complimented them on how often I see them behaving more like youth rather than “teenagers.” Here's a quick overview of what I shared:

To be a youth instead of a "teenager," a child typically:

• Lives by clear standards

• Has a network of strong adult influences

• Practices self-government

• Has regular opportunities to do hard things

• Knows where they’re going in life

• Looks up to heroes (not idols)

• Spends regular time with Mom and Dad to process thoughts and concerns

(Here’s a link to a deeper dive on that topic.)

I was so happy the younger kids were listening, too. So in a way, this ended up being a great pre-teaching moment for them as they grow into those years. My 11-year-old even asked, “Do you have to be in the teen years to be a youth?” I said no—if you’re doing those things, you’re already a youth.

We also talked briefly about the difference between heroes and idols, and I asked them for examples. It was short and simple, but intentional. And that’s the part that feels so good—because even small moments, when done on purpose, can hold real power. I know this is the kind of thing that makes a difference over time.

All in all, I’d say it was a great week.

Oh! And then—right as I was falling asleep—I remembered: one of my sons had a birthday in the morning. Our tradition is to bring the birthday child their favorite breakfast in bed, but I suddenly realized we didn’t have the ingredients. Which meant I’d need to be up at 6 a.m. to hit the store.

If you’d known me even five years ago, you’d know how sacred my sleep was. I’m a lifelong night owl. In the past, if I had to wake up early, I’d drag the whole day. I’d be cranky, exhausted, and totally off. I hated mornings.

So just putting this into words is a little humbling… because honestly, it sounds like I’m describing a teenager. (Yikes.) Sometimes it’s eye-opening to realize there are still pieces of us that haven’t quite grown up—like when I throw an emotional tantrum or complain when things get hard.

But gratefully, I can say that’s not me anymore. Ever since we started our early morning scripture study together a few years back, my body has adjusted. These days, I naturally wake up between 5:30 and 6:00, and it still amazes me. So heading to the store at dawn didn’t derail my day like it used to.

Here’s what breakfast looked like: French toast, bacon, hash brown patties, and apple juice. Then, for dinner, we made one of his favorite meals: Spaghettios, applesauce, and (for balance) some long green beans.

And here’s a little funny side story: A friend of mine was selling an adorable dollhouse for an absolute steal—$30 for something that normally goes for $110–$180. I drove across town to pick it up… but I knew I’d need to pre-teach my son before walking through the door with it. After all, it happened to be his 14th birthday, and I didn’t want him to misunderstand.

He chuckled when I explained, and he totally understood. It actually ended up improving his birthday because his little sisters were over the moon about it and happily entertained for the rest of the evening. (And yes—he got gifts from his own wish list, too.)

If anything in these updates ever rubs you the wrong way, all I ask is that before commenting, please take a moment to watch this BBC episode that explains the bigger picture. They say that during a life-saving surgery, the scene can look a little like a murder—it’s messy in the middle. But I truly believe in the outcome we’re working toward. Any single post can’t show the whole picture, but that episode gets close.

Here’s to intentional moments, steady growth, and loving leadership. It’s messy. But it’s working.

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