I had my own faith crisis a few years ago.

There came a time when I had more questions than answers, and for a while, it felt like the ground had fallen out from beneath my feet. Everything I thought I knew suddenly felt uncertain. But eventually, I made the decision to stop spinning in confusion and instead reflect on the moments when I did receive answers—real, personal, and undeniable ones.

As I looked back, I realized something: those moments of clarity were few, but they were powerful. They were quiet, piercing, unmistakable, and impossible to replicate. They didn’t come with fanfare. But the memory of them was strong enough to carry me through one more day, and then another.

These moments weren’t flashy. They weren’t the kind that make you shout “wow!” or feel instantly empowered, full of light and love (though I do love those kinds of moments, too). This was something deeper—more like the sobering kind of clarity Alma describes in chapter 36. The kind of wake-up that jolts you like nearly falling asleep at the wheel with your family in the car.

God doesn’t only deliver love and light. Out of love, He also delivers wake-up calls. The God I follow does both, so I have to be willing to receive both.

And here's something else I’ve come to believe:

There are other “gods” out there vying for our devotion—not just distractions like materialism or status, but actual spiritual influences. Not creators, but imposters. Counterfeits. At one point, I felt a sharp and unexpected reprimand—spoken to a crowd but piercing straight through me: “Return to the God of Israel.” It hit hard. I didn’t think I’d left. I certainly didn’t mean to. But it got me thinking. Discernment became more important than ever.

Before that moment, it never occurred to me that there were other beings whispering guidance, promising love and freedom, mimicking light… and yet, only One delivers on His eternal promises. And His path? It's straight. It's narrow.

So I had to choose.

I remember saying, “I could be wrong here… but here it is. I CHOOSE to believe.”

That’s the beauty and burden of agency. Regardless of what we know—or don’t know—we all get to choose. I chose to believe.

And after I made that choice—not before—the peace came. Deep, grounding, unmistakable peace. Love. Light. Assurance. Even empowerment and “wow.” But most of all… peace. Not loud, not flashy. But real. Anchoring. Sacred. A kind of peace that no other feeling can touch. But it only came AFTER I made my conscious choice, not before. That's agency.

That’s the test.

We study things out. We come to a conclusion. And then we ask God—not Google, not Facebook—if we’re on the right track. (James 1:5)

Yes, there are amazing insights to be found online. But when a real faith crisis hits, the only answers that stick are the ones you receive directly from Him.

I don’t need people at church to be perfect. I don’t even need the lessons to be perfect. I can learn doctrine at home. People mess up all the time—and they also get it right. They’re trying. I give them grace, the same grace I hope they give me.

My relationship with God is personal. And I feel Him still calling me to be there. To worship. To serve. To learn. To teach. And most importantly, to renew my covenants.

Covenants with God are as old as the earth itself. I wouldn’t dare presume that we’ve “evolved” past needing them—not in 2017, not in 2020, not today. There is a very real and very jealous influence that would love for us to believe otherwise. But to me, the cost of walking away just isn’t worth the risk.

So I trust the Lord’s pace with my understanding.

I choose to stay. And I am at peace.

“When problems arise and questions come, do not start your quest for faith by saying how much you don't have... I'm not asking you to pretend to faith you do not have. I am asking you to be true to the faith you do have.
Sometimes we act as if an honest declaration of doubt is a higher manifestation of moral courage than is an honest declaration of faith. It is not!

Honestly acknowledge your questions and concerns, but first and forever fan the flame of your faith, because all things are possible to them that believe.
Be candid about your questions; life is full of them. But please don’t hyperventilate if issues arise that need to be examined.
What we know will always trump what we don't know. So don’t let questions stand in the way of faith working its miracle.”
~ Jeffrey R. Holland (emphasis added)

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