By Kristi Steidley

When I first married my husband, I found myself saying more than once, “So, this is what marriage really feels like.”
For the first time, I knew exactly where my husband was each night—right beside me in our bed. We had joint finances. We shared a home, planned dates and vacations, spent time together because we wanted to, and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. We created a family. And we took our marriage covenants seriously.

Even though I had been married before, I was experiencing real marriage for the first time.

As hard as that first marriage was, I often reminded myself that it could be worse. I didn’t know at the time I was tapping into the Law of Relativity, but I leaned on it instinctively. I’d tell myself how grateful I was to have the kind of parents and siblings I did—steadfast, loving, supportive. I gained a deep, renewed appreciation for my family.

My parents and grandparents were beautiful examples of committed, loving marriages. I often wondered if I would ever feel the kind of love they shared. I believed it was possible, even if I never personally experienced it. And I told myself that even if I stayed in a failing marriage forever, at least I had the love and prayers of family to carry me through. I knew there were people fasting for me, hoping for better days on my behalf. Not everyone in hard relationships has that. I was deeply aware of how blessed I was.

That same sense of perspective—of relativity—has stayed with me in my current marriage. Every day, I feel profoundly grateful for my husband. I don’t compare the two marriages—there’s simply no comparison—but having lived through worse, I’m acutely aware of what I have now. When we disagree, I don’t spiral. I remember the commitment we made. Even when we don’t see eye to eye, I know—we both know—we still love each other. We’re still in this.

I would never choose to relive the days of my first marriage, but I am deeply thankful for what I learned through that experience. Even after twelve years, I still feel—and often say—how grateful I am that my husband sleeps beside me. That one simple thing, which so many couples may take for granted, means the world to me.

It’s like I’m living an entirely different life now. Back then, it felt like a nightmare—long and painful—but I always sensed it could’ve been even worse. I didn’t have words for it at the time, but I was practicing the Law of Relativity. And I truly believe I had angels helping me through.

Today, I enjoy blessings I couldn’t have imagined back then. And I know they came, in part, because I was able to recognize—even in the depths—just how much lower things could have gone.

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