By Robyn Young

I have a love/hate relationship with the word “should.”

The thoughts running through my head often follow this pattern:

“I should clean the kitchen.”
“I should speak nicely to my dog (or children, or spouse, etc.).”
“I should finish that project I started.”
“I should turn off the television.”

I should, I should, I should…

That’s the hate part of the relationship—the part that feels like a measuring stick I never quite measure up to.

But then there’s the love part:

“Please just tell me what I should do, and I’ll do it!”

That desperate longing for clarity. For direction. For someone to just point and say, “That way.”

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. It’s a cultural phenomenon. A societal infection. From the time we’re five years old—or even earlier—we’re shuffled onto a path lined with endless expectations:

“You should go to school.”
“You should get good grades.”
“You should do extracurriculars.”
“You should go to college.”
“You should get a good job.”
“You should plan for retirement.”

But what if all the “shoulds” don’t actually lead to the happiness you’re promised?

Well, there’s a “should” for that too:

“You should go back to school.”
“You should find a hobby you really love.”
Or for the truly desperate:
“You should abandon your entire stifling life and start over with something you love.”

But… is that really the only alternative?

Isn’t there another possibility?

Do you remember what it feels like to dream?

You might have to go back pretty far. Like four-years-old far. What did you want to be when you grew up? Is it anything close to what you’re doing now?

Most of us got on the “should” train so young that we lost touch with our inner dreamer. When I finally realized I needed to define what I actually wanted, I tried to write it down—describe it in vivid detail. But then the battle began:

“What should I want?”

That question. It’s so deeply ingrained that I didn’t even realize I was still dreaming within the box of "should."

So how do you break out?
How do you rediscover that ability to dream and create?
How do you silence the “shoulds” and hear your own soul again?

Start here:

1. Develop your spirituality.

Spend time in prayer, meditation, and reading things that inspire you. Create a personal relationship with God. Learn to recognize His voice. Write about your spiritual progress in a journal. The more you pay attention to your spiritual self, the more clarity you’ll gain about your path forward.

2. Love yourself.

In the New Testament, Jesus said:

“Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

That’s not just permission to love yourself—it’s a prerequisite.

This isn’t about self-indulgence. It’s about self-kindness. Be patient with yourself. Forgive yourself. Speak kindly to yourself. See your goodness and your potential, even if you don’t feel it yet. Ask God to help you see yourself the way He sees you.

3. Discover your talents.

Start by playing. Let go of the pressure to perform. Just explore. Pay attention to what feels fun, peaceful, energizing, or fulfilling. Your idea of “play” might not look like anyone else’s, and that’s okay. What matters is how it makes you feel.

4. Trust your life experiences.

The people and events that challenge you the most are often your greatest teachers. They are not roadblocks—they are road signs. Do you look for the lesson, or do you try to escape the discomfort?

Learning from hardship brings you closer to what you actually want: peace, joy, and purpose.

5. Dream again.

Let yourself imagine the life you really want. Don’t censor it. Don’t make it “realistic.” If it feels impossible, dream it anyway. The more impossible it feels, the more vital it probably is to your soul.

Focus especially on the feelings you want to experience—whether that’s peace, confidence, freedom, lightness, fulfillment, or all of the above. Let those feelings guide your vision.

Then… begin to believe in the possibility of it.

Yes, there will always be things you should do. But the real question is: Who gets to decide what those "shoulds" are?

Be the creator of your life.
Not just the responder. Not the follower of a pre-written script.

When you take ownership of your path, the toxic “shoulds” fade away. And a new kind of clarity emerges—not from obligation, but from inspiration.

You’ll know what to do next.
You’ll recognize it not by pressure, but by peace.

And best of all?

You’ll begin to hear your own soul again. The one that’s been whispering all along, just waiting for you to listen.

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•   To discover how to start choosing more effectively now, read The Jackrabbit Factor (FREE!)  
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