My Parenting Transformation Journey – Page 2

My mind is overflowing with all the things I want to change in how I parent my children. It's exciting and overwhelming. I've been learning so many powerful principles from my new mentor, Nicholeen Peck—truths I know will bless our family. But I also know if I try to change everything at once, I’ll burn out and slide right back into old habits. So I’m pacing myself.

If you’re not familiar with Nicholeen, she’s spent years fostering some of the toughest teens—youth with addictions and intense behavioral challenges. Her ability to guide these kids toward incredible transformations earned her a spot on the BBC reality show The World’s Strictest Parents.

When producers asked her to participate, she hesitated. She didn’t think of herself as strict. But since she didn’t allow her kids to drink, smoke, get tattoos, or go to the pub, they said she qualified.

So for nearly two weeks, two rebellious 17-year-olds from England moved into her Utah home while cameras rolled—expecting chaos and drama. But what they saw instead was something extraordinary.

Nicholeen and her husband were calm. Controlled. Patient. Loving. They deliberately taught correct principles, then allowed the children to govern themselves. There was a clear and consistent system for consequences. The rules were firm, but the delivery was full of calmness and respect. The parents were always in control—of themselves.

That really struck me, because honestly, I haven’t always been that way. I’ve been unpredictable. The way I parent can vary wildly depending on my mood, and I see now how hard that must be on my children. If the expectations are never clearly taught—or enforced consistently—how can they know what’s expected of them? It’s no wonder that some kids eventually give up trying to please their parents.

When a child says, “Nothing I do is ever good enough,” chances are they’ve been on the receiving end of inconsistent expectations and unpredictable consequences—sometimes none at all.

In Nicholeen's episode, by the end of the two weeks, those same defiant teens were crying—begging to stay. They said they felt safe for the first time in their lives. The boy, who had been smoking since age eight and battling several addictions, completely transformed in just eight days. He set goals, quit smoking, and last I heard, he was finishing college.

The girl had her own breakthrough. After fiercely resisting modest clothing, she stood in front of the mirror in a dress, glowing. She said she had never felt so beautiful—so shocked by how radiant she looked, fully covered. She glowed from the inside out.

Watching that episode (which, by the way, became the most-watched of the entire series) gave me a fresh, hopeful vision of what parenting could be. It reminded me of how good my kids already are—loving and respectful—and it helped me see how, together, we could grow even stronger as a family. I saw how deliberate parenting—with the tools of self-government—could open doors I didn’t know existed.

So I signed up for Nicholeen’s 10-week Implementation Course (still need to begin officially), but today I’m planning to dive in. In the meantime, I’ve been reading her book, attending a few classes, and scribbling down a ton of notes.

Based on my own instincts for what my family needs, I’ve decided to begin with praise.

I’m making a conscious effort to notice all the good things my kids do—and not just throw out a casual “Good job!” but describe what I see in full, thoughtful sentences. Like:

"Just now, I asked you to get your shoes on, and you immediately said, ‘Okay.’ That’s so great. Then you found your shoes and put them on without a fuss. I’m really impressed with how well you followed instructions. I can tell you’re working hard to make good choices, and I appreciate it so much."

I’m amazed at the effect this kind of praise has. I don’t need to be over-the-top or make a big scene—just calmly, descriptively noticing makes a real impact. The words matter. The tone matters. It’s soothing. Empowering.

So that’s what I’m working on today. Starting small, starting calm, and heading into the course to see what’s next.

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