Parenting Transformation Journey - page 8
(Click here for page 1)

Whew—We Made It Through Day One!
Here are a few things I want to remember from our first real day of implementation:

1) My daughter, who was already in her 24 hours, had an altercation with her brother. I immediately (but mistakenly) said, “Oh no... now we have to start the 24 hours over again.” She looked so sad—and something nudged me to double-check my notes.

Sure enough, I remembered Nicholeen’s teaching: If a child goes out of control during their 24 hours, you don’t reset the time unless you start the correction process over from the beginning AND the child goes all the way through the Rule of Three again.

So I told my daughter I was wrong. I explained that if she could come accept a small chore, she wouldn’t have to restart the 24 hours. She accepted. Crisis averted. Learning moment for both of us.

2) Every week our family sets aside a night for fun. Ours is usually Monday night. I had intentionally picked a non-movie activity tonight so my daughter wouldn’t feel left out during her 24 hours. But the kids reminded me we’d already decided yesterday that we’d watch Prince of Egypt together.

Back to my notes I went—and found that family night is an exception. Even if a child has lost privileges, they never lose family night. I was relieved, and so was she.

We kicked things off by singing a hymn, having a family prayer, and listening to a short devotional on charity from my 15-year-old daughter. Then we played “Do You Love Your Neighbor?”—a game with chairs in a circle (one fewer than people). One person stands in the middle and asks someone sitting, “Do you love your neighbor?” If the answer is no, the people on either side swap chairs while the person in the middle tries to steal one. If the answer is yes, they follow it with “but I don’t like people who…” and everyone fitting that description has to switch seats. The kids had a blast—including my daughter in her 24 hours. It was the happiest I’d seen her all day. We played for about 20 minutes, then started the movie. (Which, by the way, is so good.)

Later, two of my kids had an argument and lost their calm. I told them, “You chose not to be calm, so you’ve earned an extra chore.” Neither of them wanted to end up where their sister was, so they quickly accepted and got to work.

But later, I realized I’d skipped a step—I hadn’t described what I observed before giving the consequence. I should’ve said something like:
“Just now, I noticed that you and your sibling were speaking disrespectfully. Because you chose to raise your voice—and didn’t keep a calm voice, face, and body—you’ve earned an extra chore. Please fold the blankets in that pile.”

Lesson for me: I need to calmly and clearly describe the behavior before the consequence. It really does teach cause and effect. I often assume my kids “just know,” but they don’t. I’ve seen Nicholeen be so deliberate and descriptive—at first it felt like too much, but now I’m seeing the impact it makes. Even something as simple as saying, “Did you know that when we’re selfish, it’s impossible to be truly happy?” That might seem obvious to me, but actually saying it aloud teaches something I once had to figure out on my own.

I was also surprised and grateful that my oldest son (18, college-bound) participated. I hadn’t planned on including him in this new system, but when something came up and I (somewhat accidentally) assigned him a job, he accepted without pushback. I expected more resistance, given that he’s technically an adult—but maybe he responded well because he believes in what we’re trying to do. Or maybe he’s just being kind because he won’t be here much longer. Either way, I’m grateful.

Another son accepted his correction quickly and chose to cool down on his own. He’d spent the day mowing lawns and ended up falling asleep instead of coming back to the living room.

After the movie, we had a closing prayer, and my husband asked the daughter in her 24 hours to say it. Her prayer was beautiful. She seemed like her old self again. Then came the treat: everyone got a scoop of ice cream. She quietly went for cucumbers instead. No reminders. No drama. Just peace.

Her little sister came and told me she was saving her scoop to give her big sister when the 24 hours was over.

It’s been a challenging day—but surprisingly, not exhausting. I don’t feel depleted. I actually have energy left. That’s not normal. This might’ve been one of the best days we’ve had. I stayed calm. I felt confident. Even when I forgot what to do, I was okay saying, “Hold on, let me figure this out…” My kids even started asking me to check my book when they had questions. They’re letting me learn this as I go.

I’m realizing I don’t need to have this all figured out to begin. When I get stuck, I check my notes. Writing out my experiences is helping, too.

That said, I’ve felt a little awkward writing about it in real time. I’m not sharing this to invite judgment (though I’ve received some), and I’m not preaching to anyone. Honestly, I could’ve just written this in my personal journal. But I wanted it to be searchable for future reference, and part of me wanted accountability. Knowing friends might read it has helped me stay consistent.

Now that I’m starting to feel more grounded in the process, maybe I’ll make the posts private. But it’s just my habit to post publicly—after all, I’m a blogger. I know this isn’t what my blog was originally about, but life evolves. So have I.

Also, I didn’t want to start a whole new parenting blog because I knew I’d get sucked into designing a new site—and I’ve already made the conscious decision to protect that time for my family.

Now that I’m rambling… it’s time for bed.

If you disagree with what I’m doing, all I ask is that you first watch the BBC episode. It gives the full picture. They say that in the middle of life-saving surgery, it can look like a murder scene. It might be messy in the middle—but I trust the outcome. One post on its own won’t show the whole story. But the episode does.

Enjoy!

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