By Carol Colvin

The Law of Relativity teaches that nothing is inherently good or bad—until it's compared to something else. There’s no “up” without a “down,” no “tall” without “short,” no “rich” without “poor.” Being aware of this law is a good start, but unless we apply it wisely, that awareness isn’t very useful.

Take the law of gravity. We all know it: drop something, and it falls. Helpful to know, sure—but that knowledge won’t do you any good if you’re standing under a piano falling from the sixth floor and you don’t move. The smart person doesn’t just know the laws—they use them to navigate life more wisely.

We all want to be happy and to have enough of life’s comforts to feel peaceful and content. But how much is “enough” varies from person to person and depends almost entirely on what we’re comparing ourselves to. Wealth, like everything else, is relative. In some parts of the world, owning more than one goat makes you wealthy. Personally, if all I had were a few goats, I’d feel very poor. But I’d bet money that the man in that village who owns three goats and is envied by the man with one goat feels poor himself—because he knows someone who owns seven.

The problem isn’t awareness of relativity. These men know the law. The problem is how they’re using it—to feel worse rather than better. Like the guy who sees the piano falling but stands still, they have the knowledge but fail to act on it in a way that serves them. Instead of comparing their wealth to those who have less, they compare to those who have more—and end up miserable.

This is one of the rare moments in life where looking “up” is the wrong move. If we’re going to compare, we need to compare down. The man with three goats could feel rich—if he compared himself to the man with one. And the man with one goat? He might feel lucky if he remembered the story about the man in another village who only has a chicken.

So how does this show up in real life?

For me, it came with my mother’s dementia diagnosis. At first, I compared up. I looked at my friends’ moms—still grocery shopping, going to movies, reading books, making lunch dates, and remembering it all well enough to post on Facebook. I felt angry. Afraid. Envious.

But time has a way of shifting things. Now, a few years in, Mom sleeps 14 hours a night. During the day, she works on crossword puzzles, and we coax her to walk the hall for exercise. She still corrects our grammar and sings along to songs she’s known for decades. She laughs—sometimes at the same joke, over and over—and she remembers all our names. She tests herself daily on our kids’ names, our spouses’, and who lives where. She can’t remember what we had for dinner ten minutes after eating it, but she always insists she didn’t have dessert. My brother started taking photos of her eating dessert just to settle that particular debate.

She’s still my mom. And it could be worse.

I’ve learned to compare down. Some women her age don’t recognize their children anymore. Some are angry, violent, or deeply depressed. Many live in care facilities without the loving presence of a spouse. My mom has a husband who adores her and sees to her daily needs.

It could be so much worse.

Understanding the Law of Relativity is powerful when we use it to compare in a way that brings peace. Wisdom tends to arrive through experience—especially when we get it wrong a few times first. So when you catch yourself comparing up and spiraling into discontent, pause. Shift your focus. Ask yourself how things could be worse. That tiny mental pivot creates space for gratitude to grow.

Like the man who saw the piano falling and stepped out of the way just in time, you’ll find yourself saying, “Whew—that was close,” as you step out of misery and into a more helpful perspective.

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