I didn't sleep very well because I spent so much time thinking about being triggered the day before. Am I really holding myself back by not pushing harder up the hills? Will I discover some hidden reservoir of energy by aggressively expending what little I have?

What's "normal", anyway? 

Here's what Google thinks is normal:

As for me... I average 8mph, which, according to Google is WORSE than even a beginner!

Ok, it is what it is. I'm going to take this on. Layne says face your triggers. Get curious about them. So, I felt it was important to do that, and look for the root cause of my issue:

Why don’t I push harder?

For one thing, it's not a race. This trek was supposed to be an opportunity to reflect, learn things about ourselves, and to soak in the scenery and culture.

But there was a deeper reason.

The answer bubbled to the surface quickly. Our first seven years of marriage were SO fatiguing, SO exhausting, I was undernourished, overworked, overstressed, trying to bear and nurse children, working multiple jobs, running on fumes with hardly any sleep or very little reprieve, and the fact that it lasted as long as it did was, to me, quite traumatic. 

Therefore, fatigue is something I now fiercely avoid. 

I think I may have unconsciously vowed that I would never do that to myself ever again, voluntarily.

Once life began to improve, the phrase “It is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27) became one of my guiding mottos—proving it to be a true principle after discovering the power of Rare Faith.

I do also dread the chemical surge that comes with muscle burn. To me, energy feels like a fragile, limited resource. So, if I want it to carry me through a long day of cycling, a part of me believes I have to protect it at every opportunity.

Sure, I'm fully aware that our muscles get stronger through straining them. I'm not discounting that. I was just questioning whether or not it was truly "requisite" for me to get from point A to point B during this Norway adventure, in any other way than I'd been doing it.

The test

Today I will challenge my beliefs. I won't look at the elevation or distance stats to ration my reserves, I will just approach it like another day of riding, but push myself more than normal to see what I can learn. 

Will I run out of energy? Do I somehow miraculously unlock more?

At breakfast we enjoyed some Norwegian fare with our host, Jorl... and I had to laugh... would finding strength beyond my limits today prove to be ANY easier than solving this Norwegian word search? 😂 We'll see.

(Can YOU can find any words? haha)

Me, protesting

To be honest, I did not fill out my trek guide of intentions for this day, because I was already begrudging the "opportunity" to find out what would happen if I pushed through the pain. 

Well, here we go...

Day 7 - Kleppstad to Ramberg

Our group gathered at a community building near the foot of a giant bridge, which we were preparing to cross as the first big challenge of the day. I believe Layne reminded us to think again about what we would leave behind as we climbed it. Was I really about to leave some false beliefs and limitations behind?

Check out the size and grade of the bridge below (in the distance), on the left.

Up we went.

I pushed myself until it burned, and then I pushed some more. Pretty soon the bike was going to fall over, so I accepted the need to walk.

Trevan at the top:

The view from the bridge:

I enjoyed the ride down and snapped a shot from the other side, hoping the camera would adequately capture its magnitude.

It did not. 😅

What a brutal way to start out, especially on the one day I decided to really push myself. I came away from the bridge feeling bitter, having proved myself right that I don't have any more strength than I've already been expending, and frankly a little upset that I felt the need to defend that fact to anyone else.

Going forward, I pushed myself a few more times, but couldn't find a good enough answer to the reason "why" I was doing it. Seriously, why?? 

With miles yet to go, I decided to stop punishing myself. Call it a failed experiment if you like, but the fact is, you can’t shortcut conditioning, and for where I’m at, and how much I prepared for this (or didn't), the truth is:

Showing up in Norway and riding each day, despite my lack of preparation, IS pushing myself.

Monica and I were both painfully aware of how unprepared we were for the day. Me, with my underwhelming physical fitness, and Monica with her disintegrating rain pants.

Oh, what a ragtag pair we were!

Monica's pants were getting worse every day, but she still needed to use them, just to stay as dry as possible. There are no roadside Walmarts in the Lofoten Islands.

Medical tape to the rescue:

I reflected back to when Layne asked, "What are you leaving behind today?" and I chuckled... "NOT Monica's pants!" haha

What a bad mood can do

What happened next is a perfect example of how our internal state can truly shape the way we experience the world:

Along our route was a field with some magnificent horses, set against a gorgeous backdrop. Dave Fielding was one of the first to come upon it. Let me tell you about Dave. This man will always be remembered as the cyclist who didn't let a broken bike keep him from experiencing a stretchy trek, by choosing to RUN a segment when he was, for a time, without his own "iron steed". 

(This picture is from three days earlier)

So is it any wonder, that when Dave arrived at the horses, they greeted him with respect, and allowed him to capture the following picture of their beauty with serene acceptance?

And then later, when the sweet tempered riders Kelly and Misty arrived at the horses, they were greeted with love, and a playful show. Worth watching to the end:

And then there's me.

When I finally arrived at this spot, I was still feeling testy, honestly, and ruminating... "How dare anyone suggest that I'm not pushing myself?"

I think the horses could sense my mood, because as I approached, I snapped this shot, and then rode closer to try and get a better picture....

Fortunately, the closer I got, the more photogenic their positions became.

But at some point I think they finally caught on to my energy—because the moment I lifted my camera for THE shot, they rotated in flawless unison, turned their backsides to me, and threw a glance over their shoulders that clearly communicated, “Nope.”

Ok... rude! haha

Have you ever noticed that life gets harsher when you show up annoyed? I have.

The problem is, I know better. I know how I'm "supposed" to think. I was just having a hard time doing it.

Monica let me feel what I was feeling all day without judgment. In fact, she sometimes even laughed at me when I'd tell her how annoyed I was. 

Good thing the scenery was rewarding, with or without a good horse shot.

Eventually I did manage to shake the mood, settled back into my rhythm, and decided to enjoy the rest of the ride, just the way I do it, without shame.

Trevan and I had made our reservations for the next stop too late, so we arrived at our lodging about 10 miles ahead of the intended destination for the day. We'd stop here for the night, and make up those extra miles tomorrow. 

Today's Takeaways:

Okay, so I didn't find a miraculous reservoir of energy. Maybe I could have, but I didn't I feel deserving of it. Why should I? I hadn't put in the work to properly train. But I had my answer. I WAS pushing myself. It just looked different than everyone else's push, and that's okay.

This conclusion wasn't without valuable lessons. It gave me new compassion for (and hopefully more patience with) others whose capacity may not be the same as mine. We all have different talents and gifts, and right now, cycling is not exactly one of mine. As attributed to Albert Einstein, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

This conclusion also helped me as I thought about my kids. My heart swelled with love and compassion for each of them where they’re at, feeling both proud, and an increased desire to only encourage, and avoid holding them or others to a standard that may be currently beyond their reach. Cycling Norway at a normal speed was beyond mine. But I came and completed it, and I'm really proud of that.

I've heard it said, “How you do one thing is how you do everything” but is that always true? I started to question that. Because even though it may appear that I avoid pushing myself physically, I DO push myself in many other ways. And then it hit me. No, I DO push myself physically, too. For crying out loud, I’m cycling Norway. I might not be fast, but I'm doing it!! 

This is what I will always remember from Day 7 of my cycling Trek in Norway:

"On the days you only have 40%, and you give 40%. You gave 100%." Jim Kwik

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Did you know?

After I came home from my trek, Layne continued on to Nordkapp (top of the world) with 7 more cyclists, who are now coming together on a Zoom meeting to share their experiences!

Everyone gets something different out of Layne's treks, so if you want to hear what it was like for them, join us all for a FREE Weekly Forum Special Event (OPEN to the Public!) Thursday, August 14 at 7pm MT. Click here to get the Zoom link.

Learn more about Layne's cycling treks and discover what the experience might hold for you. Click here and tell Layne I sent you!

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