By Andrea Mabey

Joseph, age 17, was visibly upset. He saw his little sister eating cold cereal on a Saturday night and immediately felt threatened. In our home, cold cereal is usually reserved for Sundays, and he enjoys having something different after a week of plain old oatmeal. Since he doesn’t like waking up early, it’s sometimes gone by the time he gets up. So, when he saw Charlotte digging in, he tried to tell her when she could and couldn’t eat cereal—which she didn’t appreciate at all. When she didn’t back down, he came to me to complain.

I saw this as a perfect moment to talk to him about his Cold Cereal Mindset. As we talked, I discovered he was still carrying resentment from past Sundays when his favorite cereal was already gone. He also felt the need to protect himself from a repeat experience.

I reminded him that anger is a choice. He could choose to let it go and make toast if the cereal was gone. Or, if it really mattered that much, he could set his alarm for 6 a.m., eat before everyone else, and go back to bed. (He didn’t like that option.)

There’s no choice he can make that will change the past. The power is in the present. I asked him if he thought I would buy him something if he asked. He thought for a moment and said yes—because I’ve done it before. But he didn’t think I’d go to the store at 10 p.m. on a Saturday night. I told him I absolutely would—if it mattered to him.

That made him pause.

I had offered to go right then and buy cereal so he could have an abundance the next morning. All he had to do was choose which one. At first, he didn’t have anything in mind. But finally, he picked Vanilla Honey Bunches of Oats.

In that moment, Joseph realized he could take responsibility instead of stewing in frustration over what might happen. He learned that abundance is often “just an idea away.” He knows I care deeply about him, not about the cereal. And Charlotte wasn’t punished—Joseph simply chose to let it go.

Take every chance you can to say to your teens, “I love you.”

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